Awkward Non-sexual Sex Dreams

So, the other night I had a sex dream about one of my friends…one of my female friends.  I’m not going to say which one, because that would make things infinitely weirder than I can handle.  And I’ve already explained to y’all that I’m only mostly straight, so the fact that the dream involved girl-on-girl action is not that strange for me.  To be honest, the strange thing is it was what I have come to call a non-sexual sex dream.

I know that’s the king of the oxymoron, but that’s why the word oxymoron exists in the first place.  Sometimes the only way to describe something accurately is by coupling it with its exact opposite.  This dream was one of those, and it’s not the first one I’ve had like that.

I tend to have two types of sex dreams:

Type 1:  All sensation, no action.  In these dreams, whoever is the object of my desire and I never actually get around to doing the hibbity-dibbity, but by the time I wake up I feel like we might as well have.  These dreams may not contain any actual sexual content, but they feel incredibly sexual.  They’re intensely sensory; I can feel touch, smell scents, taste, all of it.  But at the same time, this type of dream is often accompanied by a sense of surrealism, as if I fully know and understand that what’s going on isn’t actually happening.  All of that tactile sensation is a little too intense, just a bit more than how it would be in real life.  It makes for a wholly overwhelming sensual experience.  Awaking from one of these dreams is interesting, to say the least.

Type 2:  Awkward unenthused porno.  These dreams are usually chock full of sexual content.  While there are a few that would only earn a paltry PG13, most are R or higher.  I’m talking full nudity, no detail left to the imagination, hard core porn.  But the thing is, I feel absolutely nothing.  Even when me the dreamer is enjoying these unconscious encounters, that tactile sensation from Type 1 is apparently out to lunch and replaced by a giant cloud of awkward.  And more often than not, dream-me isn’t enjoying it much, either.  Which makes things extra special awkward.

I believe this stems in part from the fact that porn makes me really uncomfortable.  Sometimes even sex scenes in regular movies.  Sex is a very private affair for me; lewd jokes and facetious innuendo aside, I seldom discuss the details of my actual sex life with my friends…when I actually have a sex life, that is.  When I’m not getting any, I have no problem expressing that fact.  But when I am, it’s not something I broadcast.  My sex life is between me and my sex-partner.  And while I am aware that pornography was intended to be viewed by more people than the actors in it, that said actors do not share my demand for sexual privacy, I can’t help feeling like I’m intruding on their intimate sexy-time by watching.  It’s completely ridiculous and irrational, but that’s the way it is.  I don’t find it arousing; I just find it weird and unpleasant.

Of course some of my friends blame my discomfort on my puritanical Christian upbringing, in which most discussions about sex were either to encourage abstinence until marriage or to shame natural human sexuality as a dirty, sinful thing.  And while I’m no longer ashamed of my sexuality, I will admit that this probably has just a little bit to do with my distaste for watching other people get it on.

Anyway, the dream the other night about my female friend was a Type 2.  It was actually a little tamer than usual on content; no real nudity, everything happened under a sheet.  And while I could kind of “feel” what was going on, it was more like how it feels when your mom cleans your face with spit than anything remotely sexual.  For a sex dream, it felt incredibly non-sexual, even more so than the usual Type 2.

I often wonder what these dreams mean.  But dream interpretation is SO subjective.  One interp book says dreaming about having sex with a friend “refers to the closeness you share with your friend.”  One website says that “if you are heterosexual and you dream that you are having sex with someone of the same sex…you need to be in better touch with your feminine or masculine side.”  (Now that I think of it, there might be something to that.  Saturday night I dreamt that I had a penis, and the next morning in Kundalini yoga we did a bunch of breathing exercises to balance our masculine and feminine energies.  My yoga instructor thought it was either a premonition, since that was what she’d been planning to do in class anyway, or I just really needed it.)  But then the same site says in another place that “if you are not bisexual and dream that you are” then you’re feeling sexually repressed or confused.

But nothing I can find deals with that intense sensuality or lack thereof.  Nothing explains why a dream about giving someone a hug can be so oddly arousing, but a full-contact banging dream leaves behind nothing but an overwhelming sense of unease.

Of course, my brain could just be telling me I need to get laid…

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4 Responses to Awkward Non-sexual Sex Dreams

  1. “Of course, my brain could just be telling me I need to get laid…”

    In the spirit of Occam’s razor, I would be more inclined to believe this.

  2. Warriorpoet says:

    I wish I could contribute something profound and helpful. Regrettably I am at an unusual loss for words. I will thank you, though. In your third through fifth paragraphs you have captured thoughts and feelings that I have had all of my life. I have never been able to express them as well as you, not even to myself. This helps more than you could ever know.

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