As I’ve mentioned a couple of times this week, I’m on drugs. Well, prednisone, but still. My friends find it amazing that my personal reaction to prednisone is extended periods of hyper-activity and a profound inability to concentrate. On anything.
So as you can imagine, this makes writing for you all (or y’all; I am from Texas) rather difficult. You end up with gems like my post from Wednesday where I ramble on and on about something that doesn’t really make a lot of sense but kind of does when you think about it and then, when even I can no longer successfully understand what I’m talking about, I use the ‘roids as a cop-out.
Naturally, in my current state of ‘roid-induced ADHD, I find that there are several things I want to write about today, but none of them are really working out to be truly substantial. SO I’M GOING TO WRITE THEM ALL. RIGHT NOW. 🙂
Mini Post I: Orchid Update
The orchid is actually doing quite well. I’m very carefully following the instructions on the little card that was sticking out of the pot when my boss left it on my desk (which also showed exactly how much my efforts mean to my superiors: $16.98). I’ve been giving it about a quarter-cup of water a week (the pot is really small; that’s just enough not to overflow it); it’s totally digging the low, mysterious, indirect light of my bedroom. With luck, I might not kill it any time soon.
The flowers I got at the dance show in January, not so much.
Mini Post II: the Tallest Among the Shorties
This may come as a shock to some of you, but I’m short. Well, average technically speaking. I’m 5’4”. There are only two situations in which 5’4” is NOT short: visiting Mexico, and being a belly dancer.
I am taller than at least half of the ladies in the dance company. My fusion instructor asked me last week to help her draw the curtains across the mirrors, because she forgot that I can’t reach them. Our limb-lengths are comparable, but her torso is longer than mine. So she always forgets that I’m shorter than she is. And looking around last night at the other ladies in the Egyptian classes I take on Thursdays, I realized I either have a much stronger relevé than anyone else in the class, or I’m at least two or three inches taller than everyone.
I am the queen of the midgets.
(Please note: I am aware that the term “midget” really isn’t PC, and would never refer to a little person as such without their express permission. But my short friends, especially the ones in the dance company, call each other midgets about as much as the rest of us call them midgets. So it’s all cool.)
Mini Post III: Revisions to the Introvert Equation
Okay, I think I’ve got the formula worked out a little better:
S = [N(D/K) + (AC)]/BB+1
So basically, it’s the same formula as Wednesday, only the whole thing is divided by the number of alcoholic beverages (B) I have consumed in the last two hours, raised to the exponential power of the number of drinks plus 1 (B+1). I.E., one drink is 12 = 1. Two drinks is 23 = 8. Etc. If you don’t understand exponents, go find a math teacher. So the more I drink in that two hour window (my metabolism burns off alcohol at a rate of a single drink every couple of hours; I’m a total light-weight), the less the shy.
I think this has potential.
Mini Post IV: Poetical Ramblings
Looking through my posts yesterday, I realized something quite profound. Out of all the things I’ve posted, from the silly to the serious to the thought-provoking, I have gotten the most likes on a poem about my distaste for Alka-Seltzer.
My step-mom’s creepy baby doll was a close second.
So, you the people want more inane silly poetry about medication, right? You have asked via the like button, and I have answered!
Prednisone, Oh Prednisone
Prednisone, oh prednisone
You take my focus down the sink’s drainage zone
A struggle just to rhyme on my own
Without hyphens and clever puns-isone
Perhaps best to leave me all alone
Until the drugs clear
But this, I fear
Will take far too long, prednisone my dear
You let me breathe in all the airs
And create challenges in all my other affairs
Making me silly beyond compares
You make this grown woman a three-year-old
Your warmth helps her withstand the cold
But makes concentration too hard to hold
Oh, hey! I just remembered I have an avocado! Time for elevensies!